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Just how do I grow old gracefully?

by degalea Published: August 4th, 2009 17 comments so far

Alex De Gale - blog pic

By Alex De Gale

I’m turning 25 this week! And the thought that goes through my mind is, how am I gonna pull this 1 off gracefully?

I mean, yeah we all know I’m feisty Alex from BB9 that got kicked off for a tad too much attitude.

But in reality I’m just a normal human being who, I suppose had life a lil bit tuff growing up, just like many others. Don’t get me wrong I’m not searching for sympathy, I’m just letting u know where I’m coming from.

So yeah, as I was saying, things weren’t exactly peachy growing up, which I suppose is part of the reason I don’t exactly come across as a ‘warm’ and ‘friendly’ person all of the time.

But being a single mother, who is the sole provider for my family, I’ve now come to a point in my life where I really wanna lay my demons to rest, get over the grief, and basically grow up over night.

What I think society doesn’t understand is that a lot of us ’80’s’ babies, were damaged goods. And I put myself in that category! By that I mean, we’ve seen too much, and have to do too much, to make it in modern day society.

Just the other day I was reasoning with a friend of mine. A young black male 24 yrs old who was born and bred in Brixton south London.

He was adding up how many people close to him he’s lost over the years, to the gun, to the knife, people he was raised with who have received over 30 yrs+ to her majesty’s prison system etc!

I kid u not, the bruddah reeled off over 20 names! What I was trying to debate with him, is, how do we put that behind us, in modern day society, and grow up gracefully?

It’s easy for people to stereotype if you’ve never lived that kind of life, or chuck labels to make reality less harsh.

But the fact of the matter is today’s youth, 20 somethings etc, have seen too much, and we’re not being given a chance to express it correctly nor a platform to be heard, therefore how can we be expected to grow old gracefully?

Being honest with you I often think about how I’m gonna do this, how are my peers, friends, people I grew up with, gonna one day snap out of the anger and outrage at the injustice we’ve faced in our lives.

My theory is I’m gonna work at it everyday, there are seriously soo many doors that need to be broken down but I will do so, and I urge others to do so with me.

I was given an opportunity last year that many people won’t ever get! I looked in on my life, my attitude, the way I portrayed myself, in a birds eye view. And ill be honest enough to say that although there were many times that I was proud to be Alexandra, there was also many times I was disgusted.

It’s much easier to come up through a storm and say I’m okay, than to admit, you know what that kinda damaged me. And from here I guess the healing and quest to grow up with grace continues.

Until next time look after yourselves and each other! XxxX

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 at 1:38 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

17 Responses to “Just how do I grow old gracefully?”

  1. Bunga Ruff Tings.. Says:

    August 6th, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Happy birthday sugar!! Hope you had a good one… This weeks blog was a likkle deep still.. you are right, there were moments in BB where I was cringing, coz, you obviously had sense, it was when you chose to indulge in the nonsense and the bullying of the Somalian boy (forget his name) that was uncomfortable viewing.
    My saying is though, we live, we learn, we grow.. seems like you’ve done a lot of living, learning and are ready to grow.. Keep on keeping on sis..

  2. malaku Says:

    August 7th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    what does growing old gracefully mean? sometimes what i witness on the street are psychologically imbalanced people: who seem pay more attention to the dog they walk around with than they are interested in developing their own personalities. some young men walking around with their hands down the front of their trousers or their trousers below their backsides. all of this is a worrying sight. i see somewhat sensible people who come across with bouts of craziness. the end result is stabbings, shootings and going to prison seem to be a badge of honour. none of us should wait until these people grow up and start acting totally responsible but parents should ensure that the above accurances do not take place.

  3. Michelle Says:

    August 8th, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Never heard as much crap as that in my life.
    Just trying to cover up ur a nasty peice of work with no manners and DID try to frighten bb housemates caus they voted for you…suprise suprise.
    Hope you raise ur daughter better than the manners and respect u have for others.
    Not really sure about being “damaged goods” being born in the 80’s, maybe make the most of what u have. What about the poor people who’s Husbands, Fathers, Brothers etc who fought and died for their country….bet that never came to ur mind egh?….get over urself and pipe down.

  4. Tee Tee Says:

    August 13th, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Thats rubbish when you portray yourself as some ‘ghetto’ girl then people are gonna look at you differently. You cant change over night especially wen you have exposed yourself in a way that wont be forgotten. You writing all this is for a sympathy look which really not a good look. Also about saying it was the way you was brought up has not got anything to do with it. People suffer sometimes when they get brought up by they do not use it as an excuse they just learn the right way and change. Sorry but this is all rubbish you need to sort out your manners and attitude.

  5. dislikerofidiots Says:

    August 15th, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    Yea yeah yeah

    whatever alex, you can try and make yourself sound as ‘ghetto’ as you like, nobody with a brain is gonna buy it, your just another idiot who thought the ‘gangsta’ life was glamourous, so devoloped a fake attitude and ghetto sob story to try and fit in with the other numpties..thinking this rubbish might excuse your pathetic ignorant violent behaiviour? nice try,but think again!

  6. Tracy Says:

    August 15th, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    You are too young to think about growing old gracefully. AT 45 I recall 25 so well and you will change every seven years. The greatest way to grow is when you have and know God and his plan for your life, it transforms you in and out. My prayer is you will have that inner transfornation and healing and enjoy your youth. Bless.

  7. safiyah Says:

    August 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    Alex I respect you for what you are saying here, don’t even watch these stupid comments that people have wasted time to publish, they obviously cannot read properly, therefore they don’t understand what you are trying to say. Well done for trying to turn your life around, keep it up girl. I respected you for a lot of what you said last year on big brother. People just don’t get people like us, our minds are too digital.
    Anyway just wanted to say, your a beautiful young black woman who would benefit from encouragement instead of inconstructive criticsm!

    Peace

  8. Bobby Lue Says:

    August 26th, 2009 at 1:15 am

    GREAT MESSAGE ALEX!

    It’s funny how most of the previous six reponders have each seem to miss the message because they are either caught up with their individual grudge for the messenger, or their individual judgements of her past. I think Alex did a great job at chronicling the journey from the derelicts of her life as a delinquent, to the promise of civility, hope, and of prosperity. This is something, by the way, that many of us are too hypocritical to ever admitt about our own past or current lives, or even the lives of our children living under our own roofs. (Keeping up appearances)

    Alex’s message was strong, very instructive, and appeals to the better person in all of us. Like myself, I am sure everybody began reading this peace thinking that it was some vain commentary about how to look good while growing older. Instead we got one woman’s experience of living the life of the ghetto, and overcoming her demonds as she transitioned into womanhood. That’s a story of triumph. A story of strength. A story that will fill the lives of thousands like her with hope. What have you done to inspire someone lately? Really…….what?

  9. kieron holmes Says:

    August 26th, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    Wooooow weeeeeee! Controversial or what!
    Alex, I know u probably read the bogus statements from the pricks above and dust them off like nothing coz ur stronger then that, but I wanna set the record straight for you.
    Anyone who says that your not truely what you say you are. Is simply speaking without knowledge or thought.
    You don’t know me, but I know of you, (before this whole big brother thing) and what I know for a fact is that you are seriously on this ting!
    I rate you for being the real deal, and stanging up for yourself and the roads!
    Do you do any charity work in the community? Because I think it would be good for kids to hear from you before its too late.

    Oh yeah one more thing, are you single? would love to say, I’m dating a strong sista like you! If your not single your man is proper lucky!

    Keiron
    North weezy

  10. malaku Says:

    August 28th, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    well. you have got a point bobby lue. but where, how and when do we break this cycle of ‘repeating the same type of behavior’ over and over again. too much our youths and even adults copy these images, like those displayed by alex on tv, and glamourise it. yes we can and should all learn from the mistakes of even other peoples (alex’s)life while at the same time, it is vitally important that we put a stop to this cycle of repititions.

  11. Bobby Lue Says:

    August 29th, 2009 at 4:48 am

    Your point is taken Malaku, and I too would like to see the problems that are most commonly associated with poverty just disappear. If only we could find a radical solution to break this vicious cycle of low education, poor family values, and the lack of upward mobility in our youths, then we could maybe halt this downward spiraling. I share your frustration with the sad state of affairs that has befallen our people especially (and poor whites to a lesser extent).

    The truth is though, as long as there is poverty there will be these social derelicts in our society. And poverty is not going away anytime soon because our system of capitalism (which has served us well in many respects) depends largely on a permanent underclass of poor and uneducated people in order to keep the wheels of industry nicely greased and turning.

    So if I am right, then how do we begin to break this vicious cycle that you alluded us to Malaku? Unfortunately, I have no idea, but I know we are not going to break this cycle by punishing someone who has successfully risen above that life. This is the kind of success we want to see for all our people born into poverty. I personally can’t see any message more inspiring to listen to than one from someone who has been there, done that, retired that, and is now ready to share the positives of her story. The moral of her story is that we should rise in spite of our condition.

    Alex’s story is not just a Black experience; it’s a story of poverty. Her past life was not the disease; it was a symptom of the disease (dysfunctional values made worse by poverty). With all that, she did not ask to be excused for her past, she instead offered it as an instrument of learning for the future of others. So this is where we actually thank her for the eye-opener.

  12. Mo Says:

    September 6th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    I must say I’m surprised to see you writing for The Voice. I would have thought they would be more cautious.

    25 is still a young age, but at the same time, as a single parent, you’re supposed to be seeing through the eyes of a mature woman. For your child’s sake.

    Whether you’re 14 or 44, from the time you have child, that’s it, Blam! your perpective automatically changes. There’s no excuse whatsoever for otherwise behaviour.

    I usually watch BB. Even shout after the TV a few times. What with Victor, Jade (rip), Kiron, etc, all black people, all getting into aggressive arguments. (I’m shouting “shut up, shut up before you get kicked out!”). But I have never felt so uncomfortable and upset at seeing a black woman on television as when I watched you.

    The way you behaved was an absolute disgrace and put the cause of black people (especially black women) back several years! I had to mute the TV when you were speaking.

    Regardless of getting your point across, or anything, there are ways and means to argue (with reasonableness, sensitivity, maturity, agreeableness) without coming across like a thug!

    Being nominated is a major part of being on the show, otherwise nobody would get evicted. But you threatened them (whether veiled or not) because they argued back and nominated you?

    What nonsense! What did you expect??!

    Black women have a rough reputation as it is, which we can’t seem to shake off. It hinders us in our career progression, with our black men, with our children, in every aspect of our lives.

    The very last thing anyone wants to see on television is yet another aggressive, angry, threatening, black person who can’t deal with whatever it is they put themselves up for!

    We don’t need it. Its damaging.

  13. Patricia Says:

    September 10th, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Last year, was an experience, which you seem to have learnt from, it made you look at yourself, and hopefully you have changed the direction of your life for the better. (I wish more people would do the same). We cannot judge each other, because we all make mistakes, but it is what we do after that matters, and God doesn’t sleep he sees all that is happening. There is a saying that what goes around, comes around, so always be careful what you do, because if it doesn’t come back and lick you, it licks your children believe!

    It is not a matter of how to grow old gracefully, you are only 25 it is how do you enjoy life to the full, and not let the past hold you back from the future, at the end of the day life is what you make it, only you can make your life what it is. If there are negative people in your life, stay away from them, their negativity will only rub off on you.

    Remember also that your daughter sees you as her role model, and what she sees you doing, is what she will copy, let her know that she can do, and be anything she wants to in life, always feed her with positive thinking for eg. If you tell a child that they are useless, and won’t amount to nothing, then that is the thinking they will have of themself. Fathers also need to be part of their children’s lives, whether they are with their mothers or not.

    Good and bad things have happened to all of us throughout our lives, and they can only make us a stronger and better person, and we should learn from them, but it is what we do after these experiences that can make a change in our lives. You can either lie down defeated or rise above it. Life is too short to be wasting it.

  14. Oumi Says:

    September 10th, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    Alex, I watched you on big brother and all I kept wondering was WHY you were on the ‘defence’.
    You were taken out of croydon and put into a situation where the people around you were just trying to get along essentially. What were you defending yourself from??
    I live in south london myself and I understand what you mean about how you grew up, but I think that the way you acted on the show just illustrates how rigid and excessively aggressive about their views black people can be.
    While in your own community people may not say you were necessarily an aggressive person, the way you couldn’t get rid of your attitude from the defensive south londoner to just ‘human being’ shows that you are going to find it hard to grow gracefully, because you’ll never want to just let things be.
    Young black people are being taught that they need to be strong minded, strong willed etc and while thats not a bad thing, we’ve gone too far, to a point where some of us think that what we say goes, individually or as a group.
    We don’t want to leave any margin of compromise or understanding. We grow up in rough areas and develop a rough mindset that we don’t want to or can’t let go of, and when occasionally one of us tries to change for the better we are called sell outs or told we aren’t being properly black or something, like to let go of this strong black man/woman persona we are somehow giving in to ‘the white man’ or ‘the government’ or whatever ‘group’ we feel we should be fighting.

    Alex you talk about ‘our society not getting we’re damaged goods’, i understand that people have rough childhoods, but please don’t try and make out like people growing up in London have it so bad, that they have some sort of right to act the way they do and the way you did in the house.
    I was born in Burundi, one of the poorest countries in the WORLD, at the time of my birth there was war between the HUTU and TSUSI tribes. I don’t know whether all these ‘poor, troubled young people’ nowadays even know what that means. People getting killed daily, mass genocide, not just the occasional black on black gang crime, families murdered depending on what tribe you were in. For even a tiny scope of understanding watch HOTEL RWANDA, although even that won’t show what it was actually like for those of us in those East african countries.
    Your friend ‘reeled off 20 names’???? How about 20 families, or 20 streets worth of families, get some perspective for goodness sake. Out of these 20 people your friend knew, how many of them were COMPLETELY innocent of any wrong doing, how many of them were babies who were shot point blank in the face?
    If all these young people were arguing for the sake of victims like Cherry Groce and Cynthia Jarrett i could understand but the violence is like a mirror image of social pejoration, where something was good, or had a good message and has been changed and ruined to portray a negative image like the Bloods and Crips for instance, which began maybe not peaceful but with a point, with a message and not this rubish about red and blue.

    HOW TO GROW UP GRACEFULLY?!
    Stop acting like you are owed something by anyone because you had a tough childhood, and do something to make yourself heard in a positive and instructive way!
    ‘We don’t have a voice?, we don’t have a platform?’ Thats BS, we have more of a platform than asian and eastern european communities in this country! The problem is that our platform is marred by certain black people, PUBLICLY maintaining a negative image of us, gangs, street violence, celebrities and public names. Alex you weren’t the only one to act the way you did, we had Science, Victor and Makosi all there as well, not exactly doing ‘us’ any favours.
    I think you’re admirable in trying to change and as a figure that young people know and maybe even listen to, use your VOICE to help and not just point out problems. So well done Alex and I hope it works out for you.

  15. Amelia Says:

    September 24th, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    Well I must say I commend you, Alex, for having the courage to admit some of your behaviour in the house was wrong.Your vision for the future however is an inspiration and I hope you follow through aspirations.

    I do agree however, that using your upbringing/background as a means to explain this behaviour doesn’t sit right with me. I’m 40 and I know so many, many people around me born in worst suffering than you were, yet they have aimed to rise above it and not carry that good ol’ chip around so the world knows how bad they had it. Hold your head up, be a good role model for your kid(s) and for others around you. You obviously have intellect and ambition, so drop the bad girl image and live your life to the full – its’ too short as your friend will tell you! Bless.

  16. Rehanne Lawson Says:

    September 25th, 2009 at 10:35 am

    @ mo!how can u say ‘im surprised 2 see u blogging for the voice, I thought theyld b more cautious???’ Who are you?? Ild like to know, have u neva made any mistakes in your life? I admire you Alexandra keep up the good work! Ignore comments like the 1 that revolted me enough to write this! Some people get excited when they comment, keep doing what you do best!

  17. Yinx Says:

    January 18th, 2010 at 4:32 am

    let the power of god work through you..listen not to the word of man but the word of God…seek the Lord and you shall lack nothing…call on himand he will grant all thing great and mghty upon you….all things have passed and u are made knew…uve made ur mistakes and faults..acknowledged themm…not erase and replace them with better things…

    jesus loves you
    read PSALM 121,23,18 AND 139
    PROVERBS 31
    JEREMIAH 33:3
    JEREMIAH 1:5
    ECCLESIATES9:10
    PROVERBS 16:9
    MARK 11:23

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