WHY DID SISTERS GO OUT OF FASHION?
By Bunga Ruff Tings
A STRANGE THING happened to me recently. I went raving with my pal, we’re in the queue waiting to get in and he’s busy panning from left to right looking for ‘the one’ then he turns to me with a serious look on his face and says, ‘you know what, black is back’.
I burst out laughing and ask what he means. You see, for a number of years my pal aint really stepped to many black women, he’s been dating outside of his race and been fine with it.
But for some reason he’s switched, back on the sisters with a vengeance and rueing the lost time he’s spent chasing what he thought was desirable.
The thing I wanted to understand is, when did sisters go out of fashion and why? I ask because so many of my peers seem to go out of their way to avoid black women and I just don’t get it.
I’ve heard of all of the silly theories about black women moaning too much, being too hard, being too demanding and running up their mouths but surely none of those things are, firstly, unique characteristics of black women or secondly, reasons to avoid your whole race?
Now, we’re all grown ups with a sound mind and realise we can date who the hell we want irrespective of race and colour or anything else for that matter. So what inspired my pals change of heart?
Put simply he was fed up. Fed up with being with a woman who didn’t understand him. Fed up with looking at the other races he had been dating and trying to find one that looks kinda black or has a bit of black in her or has black shape, etc etc.. you get my drift!! He wanted the real thing again!
Off we went into the dance and bam, we aint been in there five minutes and my pals on it. Talking to every black girl he could and deliberately snubbing the white girls, many of who looked good.
At the end of the night, armed with fifteen numbers (no exaggeration) he looked into my face and said, ‘right, now I get to work’.
He has since hooked up with a sister who he deems ‘ready’. He is doing his level best to woo her and it all looks rosey for now. But what he can’t work out is why he ever decided to abstain from pursuing sisters in the first place.
I often come across brothers who are quite disparaging about black women and their hopes of snaring one. I hear a lot of silly excuses about why they ‘can’t deal with a black woman’ and I often wonder if it’s the men that are falling short of what a black woman requires, so much so a lot of those men have rehearsed empty excuses as to why they date outside of their race.
This situation is all the more alarming when you look at the amount of mixed race relationships that currently exist in the UK alone.
If that trend continued where would it leave black people in say, 100 years time? Some view the mixing of races in relationships as an inevitability, especially in the UK and maybe it is.
But you can bet your bottom dollar that no matter which race it was if they could see themselves being diluted, becoming sparse in numbers of generally disappearing through ‘evolution’ it would be an issue for them.
While my pal’s journey from black to everything else and back to black is an interesting one, it does leave you wondering why, for many, black women ever went out of fashion in the first place.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I like this article. I as a black woman do date outside my race, but making compromises, as I don’t always feel I can be myself with someone who doesn’t understand me culturally. But then you can still be with a black man and still can’t be yourself culturally as they want you to be looking like you ain’t black. They don’t show appreciation for your nappy head when a white man would (probably more of a fascination). I feel black men in this country are so misguided they don’t really appreciate black. Beyonce is fine but she’s not black!! She looks more like a white girl!
I would love to meet a nubian prince and share with him my dreams and aspiration. However, as a professional independent woman, it’s hard to meet a professional independent black man of similiar min set. I will not settle for the shallow guys who still have their minds in the ghetto and have no ambition to be successful. they think success is about their designer clothes and some car which they did not drive off from the forecourt. These guy live hand to mouth, and you often have to wait for them to get paid to be taken out! These should continue dating outside their race!
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I agree 100% with what brown sugar just said. She speaks the truth. Preach on sister!
October 6th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
While i agree with the sisters above to some degree, i will say that the problem most black proffesional men have is the fact that most of the sisters where i just got posted(birmingham) are gynormous, i couldnt believe the fact that almost 70% of black ladies here are fat which is not appealing and when you speak to them the attitude is not particularly interesting, at least they should pay attention to there health and well being for crying out loud and then some of us will be encouraged to date them, and even when you see a sis who is intelligent, interesting, cute etc they are taken already, white girls care about their looks and all, the sisters should follow suit, get to the gym and lay off the junk food, and the notion that black men like fatties is dead unless your African, just do a survey on why men avoid black women and you will see why?
October 6th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I recently read in a popular free newspaper an interesting article about women, men & the government’s family ideal. Basically the ideal family is soon to be obsolete and the blame has been put on women due to their overly high ambitions (?) Apparently we are finding it hard as women to meet a man of the same ilk and thus are not settling down and pro-creating because of this.
This phenomenon is obviously not just a ‘black’ thing….i think we will run into this brick wall even if we scan other races thinking that the grass is greener!
I believe that love will find you-whether it be black, white, beige or pink with red spots!
October 6th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Hmmm….. I must have missed the day it was announed that Black (women) went out of fashion. In my opinion this is simply not the case. Ok, you do see many multi-cultural relationships nowadays, but I think this is merely an incidence of our multicultural and evergrowing liberal society - London in particular.
As a black man, I love my black women and can say that I have only dated outside my race once. Truth be told it was more out of desperation. (I was at a University where the ACS was hard to find lol - no joke) Being disillusioned I hastely returned to dating within my race….(there’s really no place like home).
I think the issues that this article throws up is that your friend may have been hurt by a black woman before, hence his initial sentiments to stay away. Or, it could be that he is just not strong, strong willed or strong minded enough to deal with a real independent black woman. This is no attempt to derogatorise your friend. But you do often see that when a black man makes feeble comments about a black woman (as you say) “moaning too much, being too hard, being too demanding and running up their mouths…” etc etc it is often as a result of meeting a black woman that has out classed, out manoeuvred and out professionalised him. If this is the case, as I suspect it is for many black men (whom should be called black boys) then they need to grow up, come better and step the game up.
Finally, I must say though, that the view about black women being rude, running their mouths etc etc is something that is commonly held. However, the mistake that we commonly make is that we are confusing these types of females for WOMEN. These people do exist, but in essence, they are little girls. They are what my friends and I term “Yeah Yeah Get Me” chiks. They possess very little class, very little manners and are yet to grow into a sophisticated woman. Ultimately, I thinks it takes a real sophisticated man to recognise and get with a real sophisticated woman - be it Black or Green.
Game recognises game as we love to say.
So I dont think Black Women have ever been out of fashion. Just as with any classy, sophisticated goods - one has to search to bag a bargin.
October 6th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Greetings.
How sad that 2 out of the 3 responses seem to see the woman as the problem - either we’re too fat or we’re too ambitious!! Loox like we can’t win doesn’t it?! Perhaps what we Sisters (& Brothers) should do is concentrate on loving our Black selves more & doing the best we can with whatever the Creator has blessed us to have. Also, as proud Black men & women we should NEVER compromise just for the sake of having a partner, especially one who is not Black with Black African origins (I say that because some of the appeasers will want to tell me `there are Black people everywhere - in India, China, etc etc) - oh p-leeze. I know I’ll get criticised but I’m saying it anyway; though some of our Brothers & Sisters often seem totally hopeless with their constant woman/man-chasing, lack of self-motivation, discipline & downright disrespect of each other, we are - after all - all we have so as Black people we need to stay in the struggle with US (obviously discard those who don’t want to change ‘cos with those who just love to hate themselves, we should do what we can to re-educate them, but we mustn’t wear ourselves out, just leave them to God!)
Just stay on the African Black programme Sisters & Brothers (yes, sorry about all you Blacks from the Caribbean who in many cases, sadly, just hate to associate your beautiful selves with being AFRICAN, well that’s the truth, so get over yourself, look in the mirror & be real.
Sisters, our men came from us so they will come back to us (like the brother mentioned in the lead article, tho I don’t know why he had to collect 15 phone no’s - for what?!?! our men just can’t help themselves can they). If we show some love to those who can & want to appreciate us, help them get their silly heads screwed back on when they ‘go off’, give them some real Black love (not just the sex stuff either ‘cos that’s important but often very shallow & short-lived - stimulate each other mentally, spiritually, morally too). Keep it real & don’t expect perfection because Brothers & we as Sisters have been so traumatised by our unique experience of slavery that has left deep wounds that may never be properly healed.
People, just show some love to yourself & your Brothers & Sisters in the wider community. When we run to white or other non-Black people (you know who I mean) desperately seeking their friendship, validation etc (or just being grateful when they seem to offer it to us) remember, they are the very same ones who enslaved us in the first place - do we really think then that in their soul they can truly love, understand & care for us like our own?? I think not despite our own self-hating behaviour. Oh & please, please don’t sing me that old song about `the Arabs & Africans who sold us into slavery so we should not trust each other’! Yes this happened, but put it in context of the particular circumstances that existed at
the time - go read it for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning that disgusting behaviour, I’m just saying we can’t use that as an excuse to disregard the Black man or woman in favour of people who just don’t look like us, don’t particularly like us & don’t want to see us in strong Black families, contributing to the development of our own communities and treating each other like the Kings & Queens we undoubtedly are!
One Love Brothers & Sisters - don’t let foolishness distract & divide us any more than has been done already. Let’s start working together for a stronger Black, united family with One God, One Aim & One Destiny.
Peace.
October 8th, 2008 at 8:58 am
[...] did sisters go out of fashion?? - Today, 09:00 AM Voice Online Blog Blog Archive WHY DID SISTERS GO OUT OF FASHION? Check it out…leave comments at the bottom if you wish. Good observations in my opinion on this [...]
October 12th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I am truly sick to my stomach to witness and hear of the ignorance of some of my black nubian brothers and sisters who dont seem to, or yet to come to the realisation of who they really are. it was one of my teachers (although i did not meet him in the flesh) the great Peter Tosh that sang, ‘no matter where u come from as long as you are a black man (or woman) you are an African’ so buchy who are you and where do you come from, how dare you criticise and say that some black men like fatties unless you are African? you did not stoke my fire because of your fatties point because i do prefer slim to medium built women myself but get this in your head, YOU ARE AFRICAN IF YOU ARE BLACK. its quite simple and hey i grew up in Jamaica where it was reggae music and its message of black love that first educated me about my black story. i was an employee at a certain place where quite a few of my Nigerian brothers and sisters worked, my very own so-called jamaican/ west indian people used to come in and abused them, telling them to go back to Africa and climb trees like monkeys, by the way the white people in the establishment used to just stand there and laugh, i think they were just laughing at the disunity among us. anyway my west indian people also used to abused me initially until they heard my strong jamaican accent cussing them, telling them to stop hating themselves. yes i was backing my nigerian/African People. coz thats what i am, i am African.
now back to the topic: Thembi i am largely in agreement with you, with me i have difficulty in finding a black woman who is unashamedly ambitous, who can pay her own way and not dependent on me to pay for everything. the kind of woman who will not let material things or because she is so-called ‘independent’ stop her from dating a real King. unfortunately most of the women i meet are preoccupied with that little car they are driving even from new off the forecourt and because she drives, that gives her even the cultural right to step past me as if she cannot recognise a king when she sees one. what does a brand new 08 car off the forecourt tells me! that the driver could be paying through their teeth every month to the bank or some other lending agency, a bank or lending agency that is already mega rich. i live in what you may describe as a ‘ghetto’ and maybe that is part of my problem because the black ambitous women i really need does not reside here and if i go into the city, she would not give me a second look because the man she would rather be seen with is a Hedge fund manager. so i lose both ways. the last young lady i met, she says she is a law student, i wanted to be kind and genorous and not appear mean, she managed to take £8 off me plus she used up about one pound off my phone credit calling her friend. and i still did not get her phone number. will somebody help me have a good laugh!! whats wrong with my people. half of the black women i meet, if only they would stick around longer than they actually did, they would have recieved more than just the pennies they took off me. yes the law student was black and was looking finer than fine.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:13 am
sistas are looking for mr perfect ,there is no mr or mrs perfect the world is full of mr and mrs make do ,we need to learn from each other nuture each others thoughts and ambitions and help each other grow ,girls stop listening to your bitter twisted sistrens whos had a bad experience guys stop walking wid them same b redren you left at the bookie shop ten years ago go forth be a man grab you girl and nuture her cause we only have one life
October 19th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
As a white male who has had previous relationships with black women, I feel that black women within the capitalist western world have become the almost perfect consumers. A free market requires an ignorant consumer and a surplus supply of cheap/expensive products, which will be cherished almost loved.
Black women are no more materialistic than white women, but they seem to hold material things in much more regard.
The last relationship I had with a black woman ended because I got fed up with her continuous self-loathing which manifested it self in her almost intrinsic hatred of black men, which I found very disturbing.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I wholeheartedly agree with your observations regarding Black men especially the points on those who pointedly go out of their way to avoid talking to sisters. Plus the excuses they use to justifiy their reasons as to why they do this.
Many of them of do use the excuses probably have never in the first place even dealt with black women! So for some black men as you say they are just empty excuses. Almost regugitated purely to excuse their quite blatant self hating behaviour.
I think one of the reasons black men aviod black women comes down to good old fashion self hate. Quite simply they dont find us attractive have been brainwashed into believing that “white is right”. They look to anything or anyone that doesnt look anything like them even if it means dealing with a woman who resembles Vicky Pollard!
Black men are also quite superficial especially when it comes to black women. We have to be above standard across the board concerning looks, figure, job, education etc. But when it comes to women of other races it seems that their standards suddenly drop, and will allow for sub-standardness on the basis that somehow their “whiteness” makes up for the lack of quality. This is what annoys many a sister myself included!
The men that have left comments on this topic are laughable and to judge a whole race of women on the merits or lack of is a joke. And quite clearly illustrates my point that some black men look for any excuse to make derogatory comments about black women. You cannot judge one person and think a whole race of women is like that. If I thought like that then I would never have even gone near a black man!
On a more serious note it is quite alraming the number of mix-race relationships. Are they now not in the majority where black men are concernced in terms of those dating out of their race. I know this is to be true particularly amongst black caribbean males. No other group of people would allow their number to rapidly decrease.
This another sign of self hate, people not wanting their own children to resemble themselves…..
Anyway let black men carry on with their nonsense black women will always stick by side….perhaps foolishly so.
October 20th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Some one on here was saying caribean peope dont like to be classed as africans?? WHAT UTTER RUBBISH. most jamaicans will tell you that they are africans but remembe that jamaicans were not born in africa neither were therir parents or their grandparents or their great great grand parents and when they abolished slavery in jamaica the nigerians were rioting in the streets of lagos because abolition of slavery was going to affect the businesses and profit margin of the african cloth they traded in. Africans from africa set a bad example to jamaicans because they try so hard to look european with bleached skin and hair that why would a jamaican want to be proud of being an african when the africans from the continent go out of their way to hide their africanness. if all jamaicans with africanheritage and all africans from the continent stopped buying weaves for one day we could help hungry african children so dash way the weave dash way trhe bleaching cream why should a black man want an african woman when they spend so much time and money prentending to look like anybody but themselve until black woman start loving their own natural beauty no black man is going to take a chance on them when they can find natural beauty in women of other races.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:06 am
Some very interesting comments I have to say.
My son was at the Woodson Barrow Luncheon (check internet, particularly if you have children) and he was pleasantly surprised at the young black girls that stood up on stage and relayed their career aspirations. You see where we live, there are a lot of the so-called young ladies as one comment on here described “yeah, yeah, ya get me” gyals, mostly pushing double buggies. These are the type I’ve told my son to steer clear of if he ever hopes to inherit anything from me when I’m 6ft under!
He was about 11 years old when he came up with the description of some of the girls around the way as lacking the femininity gene, which I’m sure you can all appreciate given the way some of them operate on the top deck of a bus! Louder, rougher, more butch than men you couldn’t find!! I could see the writing on the wall so I began to physically leave black magazines around the home which featured women of shades of black from Yaa Asantewaa to Tyra Banks in order for him NOT to get it into his head that the idea of female beauty is reserved solely to caucasian/asian/latin women. I want his eyes to see beauty of the soul, not matter what colour it’s wrapped up in but to first know the foundation from where all beauty springs - African beauty.
It’s up to us to educate our black children to see beauty in their home first in order to appreciate any form of beauty, compassion, commitment etc., in the outside world.
October 24th, 2008 at 4:10 am
The God Father of Soul, the late great James Brown coined it best: “Say it Loud , I am Black and I am Proud”!!! Before thatyou would get is a terrible fight if you called someone black. James brown did backslide though, his last wife was white.
A man or a woman ought to be with whomever they please.
I have drawn dates those from many cultures, they loved me and I loved them back. That was all that mattered. Why did I do it. Itnitially it was a challenge. Then it was curiosity. After that is was just humanity, meaning if I was attracted and they were attract, it was on!
Those that hate black women or black men and are black and can not see themselves in a Black relationship are pschologically impaired. They are filled with self-hatred. They would vote Republican when you have the best candidate as a Democrate.
You have to date an equal yolk, if you are not on the same plane or level with your partner, it is going to be a difficult relationship to maintain.
In closing, as hard as it is to find someone you like that likes you, why limit it to skin pigmentation?
Note: Most African male (from the continent) that move to the USA cross the color line. I wonder if they can take their wives or girlfriends back home. No USA Sister will put up with their $h1t.
Come Nov 4 2008, hue takes a backseat to idealogy.
November 6th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Fascinating discussion. First off, speaking as a blue-eyed blonde-haired man I don’t find women of African origin particularly attractive IN GENERAL. Then of course there is my daughter’s 23 year old Congolese friend who makes me blow a fuse every time she shows up at the house. I always find that any conversation with her always turns sooner or later to questions of colour, race, discrimination. This does get a trifle boring. She in turn gets very tired with the gravely impolite remarks she gets from men, mostly from black and Arab men. White men are more reserved in their words but stare as if she were a flowerpot, pretty and empty. I feel sorry that such a beautiful young woman doesn’t seem to find the respect she deserves. At least when she goes to Brazzaville the men think she’s too thin to be interesting.
Anyway the problems I have discovered with black women seem to have their roots in self-loathing (manifested by stupid unnatural hairdos), poor diet and lack of exercise (overweight is NOT beautiful), and most of all in the lack of respect accorded to them by black men. Black men take a LONG time to grow up, usually I suppose because they didn’t have a father at home.
On another subject, the fears of inter-racial marriage and the disappearance of the black people seems to worry some of the writers here. Hey, that’s what white people worry about! Mixed-race children are generally the smartest and the most beautiful, so why worry at all?
November 30th, 2008 at 3:29 am
I find it hard to believe that people can be so ignorant and naiive.
People would even suggest the reason for inter-racial relationships is that there is a deeper more pyschological meaning to why they would possibly want to date someone outside of their race - Because they hate themselves.
No not for the fact they just happen to like someone regardless of their colour, but because they disfavour themselves and consequently their race..that they run away from their heritage and abandon their sisters.
We live in modern society
Love has no colour.
You were not alive when there was slavery..Yes how can we forget it when people always want to hold it against eachother!
Stop taking us back to segregation.
Martin Luther King wanted to see the black kids holding hands with the white kids and vice versa.
The rapid increase in Mixed race relationships and familes is active proof that slavery has been abolished and we are moving forward in racial harmony, and co existence.
I am nor white, nor black, but a bond between the two.
No, I am not the result of a dilution of the black race, I am my own race.
I Choose not to favour either side but people’s arrogance and ignorance really does infuriate me.
Show me two tables, one with black people the other with white and tell me to choose a table, i will go and sit on my own.
I am Glad more people are joining me.
Mixed race people are not threats! we all did not choose to be the races we are! we were all born the same way, the colour of our skin is just a stamp of vanity. Why do we group in colour and not personality? I think all you people that cannot understand why a black man would get with a white girl, obviously need to find peace within youself because you are clearly insecure.
Look at yourself before you look at others!
Barack Obama, Bob Marley, Lewis Hamilton, Tiger Woods, Leona Lewis, Halle Berry, Thandie Newton, Wentworth Miller, Ashley Cole etc
Black role models. No..Mixed race. White people join in the celebration of Obama as he is you too!
Do not group by colour!
Black girls. Love YOURSELF! yes i know we sometimes hear it too often how proud you are to be black but we do not need to hear it so much, we know you are, you know yourself ..why the reassurance?
What i mean by love yourself is stop feeling as though white girls are stealing your men, and constantly trying to find excuses why they would do such a thing, other than accepting the fact, love is more than skin deep.